Ambien. No doubt about it.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
