discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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