OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize