i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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