maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
