yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
