worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
