girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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