i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
