At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
