i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
