How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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