I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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