Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
