Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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