you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
