based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
