I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
