Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize