omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
