I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
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