somebody snuck up and got me drunk
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
