I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
