I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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