we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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