maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize