why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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