Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
