belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
