We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
