people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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