I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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