How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
