Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
