I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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