we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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