There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
