You can't special order awesome
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
