if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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