I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
