just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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