tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I will be naked everywhere
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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