and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
