You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
