I should be sponsored by Trojan
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
