I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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