You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize