Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
