seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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