just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
