I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
