The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
