come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize