If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
