I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
