Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
