so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
