The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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