i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
