If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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