I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
