At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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