My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
