Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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