I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
