He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize