i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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