that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize