I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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