Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
