Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
