Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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