Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
