Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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