wanna go halves on a baby?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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