I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
