Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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