we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize