are you so shy because you have an std?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
