My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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