He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Help. Why am I so naked?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
