Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
