I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
