I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Randomize