you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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