that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
