I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
