Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
