Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
