I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
