Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You're a waste of cheezeits
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
A bitchslap is in order.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
