My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize