tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I faked an abortion last night.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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