You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
