Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
