Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
