there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
