I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
