I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
