your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
