He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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