Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
