do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
