It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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