You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
