The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
