Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
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