mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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