My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
