I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
