You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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