Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
