Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
